Figuring It Out

so it's been two weeks since my last post and its not like my  instagram has been particularly active either.  things have been getting pretty hectic around these parts, what with school resuming and exams looming, so unconsciously blogging has taken a back seat.

things that have happened include: i downloaded another fall out boy album // disney songs are stuck in my head // a variation of the four chord song was written and arranged // i have two oral presentations written and ready to deliver // maths tests (ew) // i saw the new avengers movie // i've started watching gossip girl (oh my god it's so bad but sooooooo goooood!!) // i lost and found my public transport card // i brushed my hair a record of four times in one week // i bought pink tulips // my toddler cousins stayed the night and we had pancakes for bfast // the second story of our renovation has started being installed (!!!!)

basically i've had a lot of stuff on and not enough sleep. 

if life were the extra curricular sign ups - i think that sometimes we sign up for too many things: friends, school, work, family, music, sport, drama, the internet, social service, our parents, the expectations of others.....that we forget about possibly the most important thing to sign up for ourselvesi know i find that getting caught up in what i think i should be doing, i forget what i actually want to be doing.

whilst i value school and am one of those weird people who gets a kick out of studying (sometimes) and i love spending time with friends and family, blogging is time for me. these past two weeks have reminded me of why i started little alice and if anything distance has made my heart grow fonder. i blog for sanity. some write journals starting with 'dear diary' and others encapsulate their feelings in 140 characters on twitter - i blog. my time making, photographing, developing and sharing a recipe in the kitchen, coupled with the time at my desk surrounded by my thoughts and the tapping of my keys is therapeutic. if you love writing you'll get it - when the creative juices flow, they come out in floods. even if i'm writing about trivial matters like my favourite frosting colour, all the built up emotions from the past few days - relevant or not - simply float off my shoulders. the only thing that trumps this, is either sleep, yoga or a long walk.

 i think that i'd forgotten that first and foremost, i blog for me. this is a miniaturization of my life and thoughts - the rest of you are just along for the ride. and to be honest, i'm comforted, and slightly petrified, to know that you are :)

i was forced to make a choice yesterday, between something 'old jess' dreamt of doing, and something 'jess i wanted to be' didn't. when we sign ourselves up to be in so many of life's commitments, there comes a point when we do things for the sake of doing them - or because everyone else is. i've come to realise that for me, that's not a good enough reason.  i'd rather spend my time doing things i love, that others may not value as much, than spend my waking hours stressing to please other people. 

but that's all changing. starting now. there's a quote that i have pinned on the wall above my desk that says: we are what we repeatedly do - Aristotle. now i think that this Aristotle bloke was onto something. food for thought: if you spend your life pleasing other people, are you still yourself, or are you a replica of the person you are pleasing? ?  anyway, i'm now repeatedly doing the good stuff, and ditching what isn't working for me. it's a new approach and  a liberating feeling.  

i think that something we don't talk about often enough, is that creativity is hard. really hard. striking out on your own and setting yourself apart from the crowd isn't just scary, but challenging. chances are, your idea has been stolen already - or someone else is doing it better. pushing boundaries and breaking the mold means not only changing the way other people see content, but the way you see your own content. learning to be confident in your abilities and creations is a personal journey (it sounds really hippie but just go with it) and i'd be lying if i said i've reached that destination already.  

so apologies for the hiatus - i have six (!!!!) written and prepared posts in the draft box waiting for you guys. basically the point of this jumble of words and letters was to let you know that i'm still figuring it out. and i think we all are. balance is key and my scales are still weighted a bit unevenly. but just like everyone else, i'm still working on it. so i hope you're all well and that you a have a great week - snaps (and cookies) for you if you made it to the end of this mammoth post. 

i'll be back on the weekend with a new recipe. until then. 

- jess x